A good night wake
I can’t sleep at night
So I start to write
Poems, events, thoughts
Anything, to ease the mind.
Sometimes the words rhymed
And I’m instantly satisfied
But it’s a hard and long process
To make things come out just fine.
I’m not worried, I have time
Not much to do on sleepless night
Don’t want to go over the same script
In which, I lay in bed and cry.
So I get up, turn on the light
Favorite notebook is by my side
Ready to go on an adventure
To the unknowns inside my mind.
What to find there, I don’t know yet
But it’s a good way to deal with stress
By filling holes and mending bridges
I hope to make peace with my regrets!
So I write, with much delight
Even when the words are not rhymed
Reading what’s on the paper, transcribed
Makes me feel as high as a kite.
✎ᝰ.
Find myself traveling back in time
When people’s hearts were pure and kind
There we were, a bunch of youngsters
Enjoying youth and sharing good times.
Beautiful faces inside holy places
In the eye of challenges, we looked straight
Full of strength, hopes, and desires
United, nothing we couldn’t ace.
But someone came and built a maze
They put big prizes in stacks of hay
They point us each in different direction
"The first to join us wins," they said.
On our own, we tried to navigate
Our minds fixed on those stacks of hay
And prospects of a pocket so deep
Once we joined them on a sunny day.
Tirelessly, we aimed to create
The most glorious path to win the race
We paved it with blood, tears, and friendships
With every new wound, we yelled hurray!
Closer we got to the stacks of hay
Farther we pushed each other away
The bond we knitted through nights and days
Now just a corpse stank of decay.
The bright future we all desired
Turned into nightmare before our eyes
But we wouldn’t stop, this far in the game
‘Cause greatness required great sacrifices.
So peaceful, so quiet, the night sky
The wind whispered a soft lullaby
Found myself wondering, all of a sudden
What they promised, was it worthwhile?
Still, I continued down the line
Anxiety right by my side
All those memories came flashing back
And then they fell, tears from my eyes.
Right then, a scream resounded nearby
The troupe had ended a player's time
Destruction: shared goal of the allied
'Til nothing remained but the finish line.
I wasn’t afraid, but didn’t want to confront them
No way I’d be a victim of their mayhem
I slipped away, quietly and cautiously
As they crossed off the list, another name.
Fumbling in the darkness, I lost my way
Where was I heading in this race?
Calling the stars to hear me pray
“Let me return to those peaceful days.’’
✎ᝰ.
A hand reached out in front of my face
Looked up, I forgot all the dismays
Before me, a smile so lovely
The cold nighttime turned into day.
Alongside him, I felt safe
My guardian in this envious place
Broad shoulders carried so much weight
Feet strode forward, unafraid.
I determined to be of aid
Calling old friends to join the brigade
We were growing and ready to play
Just as I wished: the good ol’ days.
Different missions, but same direction
We were building a strong foundation
We were united in our vision
If only it ever happened!
Too much covert opposition
Too little patience and compassion
Every action raised thousand questions
Prejudice plagued our conversations.
In disappointment, some left the game
Some stayed for the sake of the same
I, the stubborn, harbored the flame
“I ain’t leaving ‘til I’d got the name.’’
Ready, I was about to take aim
Love of my life got into the frame
What I’d seen got me exclaimed
The wolf shed its skin; he was one of them.
Without warning, the troupe stormed in
Not for long, a new order established
Our base demolished and refurbished
To align with the rest of the image.
This was not what I wanted
We were human, not machines
I told the issue to my dearest
“It would be better,’’ he insisted.
Listened to him, I obeyed the new rules
Still, something in me felt like a fool
Could a chess player love his pieces?
Or was I just an appropriate tool?
His radiant smile flashed through my mind
Such affection wasn’t a lie
He came to me when I needed him most
Now, my turn to be by his side.
It was decided: I continued to try
But the voices kept calling inside
They said I was covering my eyes
That I wasn’t to be sacrificed!
Why was it wrong to help my lover?
I argued back with logic of a lawyer
The court ruled in my favor
Yet, they refused to surrender.
My feet went boldly forward
But my head kept turning to the past
When broad shoulders gave me a shelter
Digging our own path, didn’t take orders.
Something large came blocking my way
I turned around and saw the dismay
Love of my life, a few feet away
Fixed on me, an unyielding gaze.
I knew what he was going to say
I’d had nightmares about this day
I wanted to slump down and cry it out loud
Instead, I welcomed fate with a poker face.
Through my mind, memories raced
Why couldn’t I put my heart into the play
If only one thing had happened differently
A happy ending could have been underway.
He let me see what he was holding
It was thin, sharp, and gleaming
Not as gaudy as that of the troupe
As if to tell me, he was his own king.
He led me to an open field
Told me a story as we looked at the view
Wishing me joy in exploring the new
Then stabbed my belly. My time was due!
I couldn’t tell if I felt the ache
‘Cause for the first time, he avoided my gaze
I was the one who was betrayed
Yet it felt like him who was crushed by the weight.
✎ᝰ.
I lift my pen away from the page
Here in my room, I am unscathed
There’s no remnant of the bygone days
But that life’s still not going away.
It’s been a while since I visited that grave
The deceased in that horrific case
Actually, I’ve always been afraid
To go into my mind, to go through that gate.
I can still almost see his face
The coldness concealing the ache
Perhaps he also passed away
When he told me goodbye with that blade.
So peaceful, so quiet, the night sky
The fan’s humming a soft lullaby
The ghosts’ resentment begins to subside
In my heart, finally, serenity rises
For now, it has come back, the part that was left behind.