It’s still cloudy, but I want to laugh!
It’s started raining in Saigon these past few days. The temperature has dropped to a bearable degree, and I’m so glad not to feel the burning sensation whenever the wind blows across my skin. We’re not really in the monsoon season, so it hasn’t rained that much, but the sky is constantly overcast.
I’m not a fan of gray skies, and I remember you weren’t either. We both love the rain. If the sky turns dark without any water coming down, it’s a shortcoming, a missed opportunity, according to our crazy rain-loving minds.
The recent state of the sky coincidentally matched an anime I’d just finished watching. It’s called Laughing Under the Clouds. I know! Great title, right? Even more fascinating, in those scenes where my dormant emotions got stirred up by the show, it rained, in our real world, in Saigon. Coincident or orchestrated? I don’t know, but I like the idea that the world is full of mysteries.
I’m reminded of our situation back then. It was bleak, wasn’t it? We thought it would only last a few months, maybe a year at most. But many have passed, yet the sky above us remains gloomy as always!
Things weren’t dire all the time, though. During those days of wandering in the darkness, I found a joy, a love I had never known before – and I let you know about it. You were confused and a little bit mad, but I knew you appreciated those moments too, when it was dark, yet we were laughing!
We are no longer in that place. Around us is light. But I feel my bad habits returning, growing like terrifying shadows in this dim light. Seeing that, who would want to laugh?
…
…
…
I think I do!
I want to feel alive again. I want to look at the grey sky and appreciate its values. I want to be staunch. And I want to laugh my heart out, even if the sun decides to hide forever in its blanket!
To tell you the truth, I never expected to receive philosophy or spiritual lessons from Laughing Under the Clouds. It struck me as a simple anime with attractive characters, rather than a profound message slowly revealed through clever storytelling.
The series follows three orphaned samurai brothers living in an era when samurai were in decline. Their days were often marked by scarcity, but they never lacked joy, resilience and the affection of the villagers.
Most of those positive influences came from the eldest. He gave up his dream to take care of his younger brothers on behalf of their parents and shouldered the family responsibility in a supernatural mission. Not a single complaint came from his mouth. He didn’t see it as a sacrifice, but simply as something a big brother must do to preserve his siblings’ childlike innocence. What was more interesting about this character was that he hid his noble deeds behind dramatic and self-centered behaviors. A joker, a teaser, a hero disguised as an anti-hero.
Such stoic characters, I both admire and envy them. I wish I could bear a similarly nonchalant attitude towards life. You also advised me to take things more lightly. I listened to you, of course, but I couldn’t put it into practice.
Maybe this is it – the big lesson I need to spend this whole lifetime learning.
But for now, back to the show! There’s still so much about it I need to tell you.
Among the three brothers, I don’t think I learned much from the youngest. He was just a kid, and for almost the entire film, people kept him away from the terrible happenings of his family and the supernatural being. His ignorance led to a rather interesting plot: he was lured by a bad guy and began to harbor thoughts of revenge.
Although I didn’t connect with him personally, his storyline was good and embodied the spirit of laughing under the clouds. After roaming with the baddie for a while and witnessing what was called vengeance, he came to his senses, returned to the path of righteousness, and even managed to reform the criminal.
You and I used to talk about how some books, films, or games left us with a sense of yearning after we finished reading, watching, or playing them. This anime also left me like that. It was simple and concise, yet it felt like it opened up a vast ocean where I was only just beginning to take my first steps along the shore.
The main character, the soul of the film, was the middle son. He looked up to his older brother and always dreamt of surpassing him. He was excessively serious and constantly carried the weight of not being good enough, not trying enough, and not knowing enough. Sounds familiar, right? It’s probably too easy for you to imagine my face after hearing those descriptions.
I’m not usually comfortable watching a character that I can relate strongly to. Film is my means of escape; I don’t need to see someone so similar to me struggling to get out of the same quagmire I was stuck in. Even if only for a while, I want to forget all my problems and step into the shoes of someone like the eldest brother – playful, so unserious, and exuding a "come what may" attitude.
Laughing Under the Clouds gave me exactly that for the first few episodes. The humble lives of the three brothers were always cheerful and filled with love thanks to the sun-like presence of the firstborn. But when the sun disappeared and the horizon turned gray, the remains had to find reasons to smile under the dreary sky.
Admiration for his older brother motivated our main character to overcome his uptight nature and embrace optimism, persevering even in the face of a cruel fate. He had numerous opportunities to live by this belief, both while his brother was there and after he was gone. His journey was slow, quiet, not at all flaring and glaring like that of the flamboyant and widely-loved eldest. To be fair, a lot of things happened in his storyline, but I can only say this much, in case you decide to give it a try someday.
In the end, I’m glad that I stumbled upon this show. I was deeply moved by the three brothers’ outlook on life, and couldn’t help but let out a smile. Problems are still unresolved, and the future is still uncertain, but let it stop: this heavy heart. Watching the anime, I realized I was doing the same thing as the main character, honing skills and cultivating morality, while out there, the world seemed to be thrown into impending chaos. Perhaps people with artistic inclinations like us have become antiquated. Perhaps a new renaissance is about to begin. We are just tiny individuals amidst the flow of life, not having much influence over anyone or anything. But standing under this sea of clouds, I still want to laugh, and still have reasons to laugh.
It would be inappropriate if I laughed alone when you, my friend, were sad. So please join me: cast aside that long face, open your heart, and let’s laugh together under the dark clouds. Who knows, if we laugh enough and loudly enough, the sun might hear us and decide to show itself!